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Do You Have Your Own Back?

What Does Having Your Own Back Mean? What must you do to feel it?

For the longest time in my life I thought that just because I was confident and an extrovert this meant I had my own back. But I didn't. I certainly didn't love myself enough; and I put my own needs and desires and dreams on the shelf and ensured that everyone else's were being met. In fact, I didn't even know what my dreams or desires were anymore. I'd lost a sense of self by having many codependent relationships. Codependency is sneaky... You don't realize you're codependent until it's too late. And, the undoing is extremely hard. No one wants you to change. It suited them to have you back them.

The first thing you have to do is recognize the patterns. The way you feel when your values are being violated. For example, if you're slightly betrayed by someone and it feels like you're gutted by the incident then your core value is being violated. It's a sign to notice. What would be the opposite feeling...? Safety perhaps or security? If you're relying on someone else to make you feel safe then you don't have your own back.

You need to look deep inside yourself and ask yourself if you love yourself enough to voice your needs. What is your tolerance level? Would you do that to someone else? And if not, you deserve better. Start empowering yourself with loving yourself. Standing up for yourself even if no one else does. The process takes a while. You have to own the belief that this is what you want and practice it. Like everything you'll slip back into old behaviour but this time your awareness of it, is heightened. Notice it. Don't get too agitated when you realize you've fallen into your old ways - you're learning. Having your own back is powerful and helps you be whole and complete. You are a grown up. Start believing it.

Written by:

Camilla Joubert


West Vancouver, BC, Canada

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