Depression is not a choice. Nobody would ever choose to feel the way you do when you have entered depression. When you feel like nothing matters, when you can't move, get out of bed, interact, feel anything at all. Keeping up your daily rituals to take care of the ones around you, but not yourself. Depression can be the feeling of going crazy and being fully aware of it.
And then you punish yourself, you are hard on yourself for feeling this way, for not having an explanati